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The Keith Family News

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

This is where I go from having 4 readers to 2

I am about to take a very unpopular stand here.
I was watching part of the Andrea Yates re-trial yesterday, and found it very disturbing.
But not in the way you would probably think.
I don't believe "the devil made me do it" is ever a good defense. But I do believe we grossly neglect mental health in this country. I had a hard time admitting I needed a little pharmaceutical help while suffering post-partum depression after I had Pierce. Here I am, at my six week check-up, nurses cooing over the baby, when they ask "and how are you?" My answer is "Fine, except I kinda want to jump out of the car while it's driving down the highway, is that bad?" No, but really I told them I would like to discuss anti-depressants with the doctor, which was a really hard thing for me to admit.
I did, and still do to some degree, think that they are misused by SOME people. If you are depressed because your husband is beating you, Prosac probably won't help much. I feel that sometimes it's better to get rid of the problem than it is to take a pill that makes you not care about it any more. Of course when "the problem" is the baby you just gave birth to....
My doctor was great. He told my husband to make sure I took them, he told me "you are going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why you are sad. Don't. It won't help." But of course, I still did.
So, we have a woman who has suffered from depression and then some. She tells family members and doctors that she is having visions of a knife and her children. She is institutionalized, put on something to treat her hallucinations...And then left alone with her children while coming off of it.
I have never felt anything but disgust for women who murder their children because they would rather have some man. I guess I can have a tiny bit of sympathy for someone who feels as though they are ruining their children. There are times that most mothers I know have looked at their children and seen the bad habits and insecurities they have passed on to them, and there is a morbid devastation that goes along with that.
I am NOT saying that Andrea Yates should not be held responsible for her actions. To have those thoughts of committing such an atrocity I can barely fathom, and to act on them? To hold your struggling child under the water until this last bit life is drained from them? To chase them, frightened of YOU, their mother, through the house? Completely unimaginable. I guess I just don't feel that she is SOLELY responsible. She took a step. She asked for help. She admitted that she had these beautiful children and yet these horrible thoughts...
Her husband, for one, should take a little of the blame. He commented to the policeman who offered him a glass of water "good luck finding a clean glass." because she had not been keeping up with the housework. How about YOU HELP HER with the housework? Let's not even talk about his bright idea to have his family live in a bus, because he is not what I want to talk about.
I want to talk about our society. What happens when we see a child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store? We think "glad that's not my kid" or "what a brat" or "she needs to get a handle on that kid." What would happen instead if we remembered the troubles we have had with our own children, had some empathy, and tried to help? What if we all stopped judging to make ourselves feel better, and started realizing that none of our kids are perfect? Who hasn't felt completely isolated as a mother? Who hasn't cried in the bathroom while their baby cries in his crib? Is there a mother who hasn't regretted yelling at their child? Sometimes just an encouraging word, a pat on the shoulder "I've been there, don't give up" can make a world of difference.
The best part of my job has been seeing mothers come in at the end of their rope, and being able to offer them some support and encouragement. To see mothers who feel isolated find sanity saving friendships....
I'm not sure what my point really is, other than I feel everyone (self included) spends way to much time judging, and not near enough time offering support. We have to have community, and that's my two cents :)
Keithclan, 3:27 PM

4 Comments:

I completely agree with you on the Andrea Yates thing. I worked in mental health for years(Yes!I really did work!) and her case is so clear cut postpartum psychosis backed up with years and years of other documented mental health issues. Under the law, she was legally insane and sending her to prison would be the worst thing for her. But hey, what do I know!
Blogger ginny, at 5:01 PM  
When I read your first two lines I thought, "Oh great she's going to be one of those think Andrea should fry." What a relief instead to find someone else who sides with poor Andrea and her horrific mental health plight that went on FOR YEARS - YEARS! - almost completely ignored and the crappy trial she got and her ridiculously sexist husband who got off scot-free, who has divorced her and is remarried now. Yeah, I don't have strong feelings about this case or anything.

I rejoiced, literally rejoiced, when I read that she was going to get a new trial. What she did was heinous but she should be in full-time residential mental health treatment for the rest of her life. Not prison.
Blogger Unknown, at 5:37 PM  
I don't know if you read your blog comments, but here goes...I've tried to e-mail and phone, but get no response. Happy Birthday (yesterday) anyway. Can you call me sometime when things aren't totally hectic?
I really enjoy your blog. Too bad you can't get paid for doing this.
Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:23 PM  
I have thought this way about Andrea Yates from the time she was arrested- which I think was before I even had children- she was so emotionally beat down for so long by her husband, and really seemed to have tried so hard to find her way out of her crippling depression, all with absolutely no support system. She lived in actual mental hell, and it's just all around awful, for her and her poor, lost kids. They're in a better place- and I believe God has a better place for her,too. -Camille
Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:38 PM  

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