My hamper floweth over
Friday, December 30, 2005
NEW YEAR PARTY!
by the oldest child of the keithclan jordan
ATTENTION: studies show that 4 out of 5 Keith kids prefer to use the toilet
My dear friend Allison gave my husband and I a gift certificate to the movie theater along with babysitting on the night we went. So we decided to cash in early lest she change her mind, and went last night. When I told my children that Allison would be coming to watch them because mommy and daddy were going out, Jordan said, "
"Is it your anniversary again already?"
"No, sweetie, some parents like to go out together more than once a year."
"Oh, yeah, Montse's parents do that."
For those of you who don't know, my good friend Ashli with the help of some other good poopy friends arranged it so that my husband and I had a night, AN ENTIRE NIGHT to ourselves for our anniversary. Ashli abandoned her own husband and two children to come watch my 5 put them all to bed (slept with Max) , stayed the night, and fed them all breakfat in the morning. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the last time we were totally child free for the night was our wedding night.
NOTE: Any guilt or shame this article inspires is fair and deserved and not the fault of its' author :)
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Poopypants-----The Depends years
Jamie---I will be the mumbler and head shaker. I will be sitting in the corner, reliving unpleasant memories in my head. "Pierce, what are you doing...Max get away from the toilet....I don't care who hit who just stop fighting...No thanks, I don't want any Tony's pizza, my stomach is upset..."
Ashli----Obviously, she will be the old bitty. "What is this? Carolers? Alright then, go ahead and sing your song, (not that it's on key or in pitch.) Yeah, that was great, now move along you little...." Or "OHHH MY GOOODDD!!! How long do I have to stand in this *%*#* lunch line? Well I don't care if he is in a wheelchair!! He can wheel it along a little *#*% faster! I'm hungry!!
Ginny---She will be the very sweet old lady with her knee-his rolled down to her ankles and a hand-knitted hat with a fuzzy ball on top that she wears in August. She will always be smiling, although she very rarely will know what is going on, and will every once in a while shout out "that's lovely dear, just lovely!" for no reason whatsoever.
Summer---Summer the Frugal will be the one who remembers exactly how much things used to cost and feel the need to share this information with everyone. "Two dollars for a can of coke? I remember when they were only 50 cents!!!" She will also mail birthday cards to her great-grandchildren with a dollar in them and complain that they don't send thank you notes, even though a postage stamp will cost about a dollar.
Camille---A lot like me, will spurt off random thoughts from some distant memory, although she will actually be talking to random people from the present as though they were there. (To her nurse)"You remember when Charlie lost her toy lizard Lizzie at school and they looked everywhere for it? And then it turned out to be in her tights the whole time? That was funny, wasn't it." Nurse, "Yes, Mrs. Roper, now let's get you back to your room."
Leslie---- A knowledgeable person in her prime, she will try to give advice to people with the true intention of being helpful, even though her advice will be very out-dated. "Does that baby have a fever? You should alternate Tylenol and Advil every two hours." Unfortunately, both products will have been replaced years ago. And don't ask me why, but I also see her as the one who will flirt with the murses. "Be careful not to bend over in front of Mrs. Mossman, she'll goose ya."
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Didn't Stephen King write a novel based on this premise?
Want to know what my theory is? He has a little cold and a stuffy nose, and can't suck his beloved binky through the night. That's it, nothing more. As for any of you who are thinking "Why does he still have a binky anyway? And why hasn't she trained him to sleep through the night yet, it's really her own fault." I would like to again say BITE ME and remind you that voodoo dolls and curses do work, maybe not today or tomorrow,but you will all have teenagers one day....
He wanted me to sing to him last night, so here are some the lullabies I came up with:
To the tune of "The Scientist"
Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame that you don't sleeppp,
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said that I would never sleep.
Let's take you back to the hospital.
To the tune of "Fix You"
I will give you drugs (meaning Tylenol, don't call the authorities)
I will give you hugs
And that had better fix you
As you can tell, I am slap happy at least, ready for my own padded cell at most, so I will bid you adieu and pray for us all to have a restful night...
Thursday, December 15, 2005
The only downside, no more Sonya stories at coffee
So my director says that she needs to come in, and she does, and tells ME that she is sick. We go downstairs to the program, and she goes back upstairs early with 2 babies leaving me downstairs with 6. When I get back upstairs, she informs me that she feels horrible and is going home. She is getting her stuff together, and then sits, you guessed it, in the rocking chair and starts saying "I need to go. I hope she sends someone over here soon. I feel terrible." So I go and get the other teacher and say, hey, a little help? Sonya is leaving, because she has No intention of working anymore that day, and then she leaves.
10 minuted later my director says "Where's Sonya?" and I say she went home sick, I thought you knew." And it comes out that she never told her she was sick, just that she was going to beg for money and had asked to leave at 11:30, not 10:50 when she actually left. Might not seem huge, but like I said, it's been a long time coming. ANYWAY
FAREWELL, SONYA J., AND THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES!!!!
------"that momma said she'd be back in half an hour, that's 30 minutes, ya know."
------"ooh, I wonder if they bathe her, she smell like fish down there." (about a 3 month old baby)
------"bananas be fresh when they green. By the time they yellow, they already be bad."
-------"I been making my own baby food, too. I made my son some of that ravioli stuff..."(referring to Chef Boyardee)
------"you givin' him regular water? My son only drinks it with sugar in it."
-------"what's that?" "gua-co-mo-li? Oooh, that be green."
"mmmmm. THat's gooood"
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
It's all her fault
This is a picture of my grandma Vera and 14 of her 19 great-grandchildren, all under 12 years old. She, by the way, only had 4 children. I really am creating a nation of my own, aren't I? That's some great incentive not to screw 'em up!
By the way, Brooke, that makes 4 posts in 1 day. So, if, by chance, my blogging ambitions fail, I don't want to hear your rude comments until Feb****uary. Some of us have lives outside of cyberspace, you know. I am not one of them, but I do have 5 kiddos that keep me pretty busy....
Max in the box, and deathray barbie
Yes the new deathray Barbie. Looks like a normal Barbie, until you tell her "No", then watch out!!!
What the Omniplex would look like if it had been updated since the 80s
My amazingly brave girl peddling backwards on a tightrope about 40 feet in the air! This was her second time to brave this feat. Way to go Jordan!!!
I would put up more pictures of Science City, but those of us from Oklahoma would cry the next time we went to the Omniplex to play the Pac Man style computer games. They don't however, as far as I know, have a shadow wall, so there, Kansas City!!!
So, quick update of the last few months: Still have 5 kids, still work in hell, I mean the mothers' day out,(still in the baby room and still with my beloved co-worker), had a great Halloween and a fun Thanksgiving, celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary(thanks to my WONDERFUL friends, we had a wonderful anniversary), Max is earning his nickname Cartman and weighing in at about 25 pounds at 9 months and now wearing a size 18-24 months, and I am actually really looking forward to Christmas for the first time in several years.
Now that that is out of the way... Let's see, how about funny kid stories? I took the kids to see The Lion Witch and the wardrobe (great movie..Stayed remarkably true to the books) and Loud Boy (aka Pierce) did an amazing job of being quiet. He was sitting on my lap, and at one point said "mommy, this is a really long movie" and during the beginning of the battle scene he said "look mom! They are going to race!" because they were showing the 2 sides running to meet each other in battle.
Lillian sings "we miss you a merry Christmas."
and Max is saying "screw you guys, I'm going home."