My hamper floweth over

The Keith Family News

Friday, December 30, 2005


Tomorrow is the big party!Me and my family are so excited!There will be food and a lot of fun. Of course I need to be verry responsible because I will be the oldest child there.ASHLI is going to bring TOY STORY2 for the kids to watch .But me and Ashton will be dancing till midnight. I hope every body in the world has a verry HAPPY NEW YEAR!

by the oldest child of the keithclan jordan
Keithclan, 3:16 PM | link | 1 comments |

ATTENTION: studies show that 4 out of 5 Keith kids prefer to use the toilet

Just thought I'd throw those potty-trained stats out there for anyone who might be reading. Anyone (grandparents) who might have been afraid of babysitting because of diapers. Max now sees it fit to "use it" first thing in the morning to give me a nice start to my day=== I love the smell of doody in the morning! Anyway, the odds of having to change a poopy are very slim if you are with him after 8:00 a.m. So if anyone (GRANDPARENTS) who might be reading this would like to now offer up their services for babysitting (as I am sure they remember their own parents doing on several occasions , I know I do).... .. You know what, if this following passage doesn't inspire you....

My dear friend Allison gave my husband and I a gift certificate to the movie theater along with babysitting on the night we went. So we decided to cash in early lest she change her mind, and went last night. When I told my children that Allison would be coming to watch them because mommy and daddy were going out, Jordan said, "
"Is it your anniversary again already?"
"No, sweetie, some parents like to go out together more than once a year."
"Oh, yeah, Montse's parents do that."

For those of you who don't know, my good friend Ashli with the help of some other good poopy friends arranged it so that my husband and I had a night, AN ENTIRE NIGHT to ourselves for our anniversary. Ashli abandoned her own husband and two children to come watch my 5 put them all to bed (slept with Max) , stayed the night, and fed them all breakfat in the morning. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the last time we were totally child free for the night was our wedding night.

NOTE: Any guilt or shame this article inspires is fair and deserved and not the fault of its' author :)
Keithclan, 10:04 AM | link | 1 comments |

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Poopypants-----The Depends years

I was just thinking how much fun it would be if 50 years from now all of the Poopy pants girls were in the same nursing home. (Not to suggest that it will take 50 years for us to require adult diapers, some of us need them now.)

Jamie---I will be the mumbler and head shaker. I will be sitting in the corner, reliving unpleasant memories in my head. "Pierce, what are you doing...Max get away from the toilet....I don't care who hit who just stop fighting...No thanks, I don't want any Tony's pizza, my stomach is upset..."

Ashli----Obviously, she will be the old bitty. "What is this? Carolers? Alright then, go ahead and sing your song, (not that it's on key or in pitch.) Yeah, that was great, now move along you little...." Or "OHHH MY GOOODDD!!! How long do I have to stand in this *%*#* lunch line? Well I don't care if he is in a wheelchair!! He can wheel it along a little *#*% faster! I'm hungry!!

Ginny---She will be the very sweet old lady with her knee-his rolled down to her ankles and a hand-knitted hat with a fuzzy ball on top that she wears in August. She will always be smiling, although she very rarely will know what is going on, and will every once in a while shout out "that's lovely dear, just lovely!" for no reason whatsoever.

Summer---Summer the Frugal will be the one who remembers exactly how much things used to cost and feel the need to share this information with everyone. "Two dollars for a can of coke? I remember when they were only 50 cents!!!" She will also mail birthday cards to her great-grandchildren with a dollar in them and complain that they don't send thank you notes, even though a postage stamp will cost about a dollar.

Camille---A lot like me, will spurt off random thoughts from some distant memory, although she will actually be talking to random people from the present as though they were there. (To her nurse)"You remember when Charlie lost her toy lizard Lizzie at school and they looked everywhere for it? And then it turned out to be in her tights the whole time? That was funny, wasn't it." Nurse, "Yes, Mrs. Roper, now let's get you back to your room."

Leslie---- A knowledgeable person in her prime, she will try to give advice to people with the true intention of being helpful, even though her advice will be very out-dated. "Does that baby have a fever? You should alternate Tylenol and Advil every two hours." Unfortunately, both products will have been replaced years ago. And don't ask me why, but I also see her as the one who will flirt with the murses. "Be careful not to bend over in front of Mrs. Mossman, she'll goose ya."
Keithclan, 5:01 PM | link | 3 comments |

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Didn't Stephen King write a novel based on this premise?

Sleep deprivation, that is. Today was the last day of school before the break.(Break-for who, exactly?) So being the well organized person that I am, I was up until about 1:00 finishing teacher gifts, making sure the outfits that the girls wanted to wear were clean and ready, etc. So why would the baby who was already in my bed wake up at about 3:00 not to go back to sleep at all for at least 2 hours, and even then not peacefully? For any of you who might have just said "aww, the poor thing must be sick", I would like to first say bite me, and then remind you that we are talking about a child who has maybe slept through the night twice in his whole life, and inform you that he acts like this at night and is hunky-dory during the day. I will take him to the doctor, hoping he will say that he has an ear infection, or some other ailment that can be cured with antibiotics or such, but if that is not the case, the bidding will start on Christmas Eve at midnight at $1.00.
Want to know what my theory is? He has a little cold and a stuffy nose, and can't suck his beloved binky through the night. That's it, nothing more. As for any of you who are thinking "Why does he still have a binky anyway? And why hasn't she trained him to sleep through the night yet, it's really her own fault." I would like to again say BITE ME and remind you that voodoo dolls and curses do work, maybe not today or tomorrow,but you will all have teenagers one day....
He wanted me to sing to him last night, so here are some the lullabies I came up with:

To the tune of "The Scientist"
Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame that you don't sleeppp,
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said that I would never sleep.
Let's take you back to the hospital.

To the tune of "Fix You"
I will give you drugs (meaning Tylenol, don't call the authorities)
I will give you hugs
And that had better fix you

As you can tell, I am slap happy at least, ready for my own padded cell at most, so I will bid you adieu and pray for us all to have a restful night...
Keithclan, 6:32 PM | link | 0 comments |

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The only downside, no more Sonya stories at coffee

Yes, my co-worker will finally be canned Monday morning. I know, I know, it IS shocking, especially when you consider how hard it is to find people who enjoy sitting on their *ss in a rocking chair doing nothing 3-4 hours a day. I am sure you are wondering what she could have possibly done that would merit firing? Obviously, her situation is one of those "final straw" type things. The final straw for my director was, her calling in on the day of our program when we are at maximum capacity asking if it was okay if she could be late because she needed to go ask a church to help her pay for her rent. Let's not forget that she gets $750 a month in food stamps, $730 a month from section 8, free insurance, a $3 a month phone bill, and recently moved to an apartment because she was tired of paying water and gas and the additional $100 for rent that section 8 did not cover and that now she will only have to pay electric. Let's also not forget that she told me in November that they had all they bills paid up, and the money she made at work would be "blow money". Let's remember that she recently went on a huge shopping spree to Old Navy, the Shoe Carnival,( because she hadn't bought herself a new pair of tenni-shoes since she started working there in September and her one year old needed Nikes, it's his first pair, ya know), and that she took all of her kids to have their pictures taken at the mall, asked me just monday if I wanted to order a pizza with her... anyway, I have gotten way sidetracked. sooo....
So my director says that she needs to come in, and she does, and tells ME that she is sick. We go downstairs to the program, and she goes back upstairs early with 2 babies leaving me downstairs with 6. When I get back upstairs, she informs me that she feels horrible and is going home. She is getting her stuff together, and then sits, you guessed it, in the rocking chair and starts saying "I need to go. I hope she sends someone over here soon. I feel terrible." So I go and get the other teacher and say, hey, a little help? Sonya is leaving, because she has No intention of working anymore that day, and then she leaves.
10 minuted later my director says "Where's Sonya?" and I say she went home sick, I thought you knew." And it comes out that she never told her she was sick, just that she was going to beg for money and had asked to leave at 11:30, not 10:50 when she actually left. Might not seem huge, but like I said, it's been a long time coming. ANYWAY


------"that momma said she'd be back in half an hour, that's 30 minutes, ya know."

------"ooh, I wonder if they bathe her, she smell like fish down there." (about a 3 month old baby)

------"bananas be fresh when they green. By the time they yellow, they already be bad."

-------"I been making my own baby food, too. I made my son some of that ravioli stuff..."(referring to Chef Boyardee)

------"you givin' him regular water? My son only drinks it with sugar in it."

-------"what's that?" "gua-co-mo-li? Oooh, that be green."

"mmmmm. THat's gooood"
Keithclan, 4:15 PM | link | 3 comments |

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

It's all her fault

This is a picture of my grandma Vera and 14 of her 19 great-grandchildren, all under 12 years old. She, by the way, only had 4 children. I really am creating a nation of my own, aren't I? That's some great incentive not to screw 'em up!

By the way, Brooke, that makes 4 posts in 1 day. So, if, by chance, my blogging ambitions fail, I don't want to hear your rude comments until Feb****uary. Some of us have lives outside of cyberspace, you know. I am not one of them, but I do have 5 kiddos that keep me pretty busy....

Keithclan, 11:14 PM | link | 2 comments |

Max in the box, and deathray barbie

Or should I say "muppet in the box"? Max spent a good deal of time Thanksgiving weekend being confined to various boxes. Don't call DHS, he liked it, guess what he's getting for Christmas?
Yes the new deathray Barbie. Looks like a normal Barbie, until you tell her "No", then watch out!!!
Keithclan, 11:02 PM | link | 2 comments |

What the Omniplex would look like if it had been updated since the 80s

These are Lillian and Pierce's favorite pictures to look at right now. Lillian will say "where is the man who spanked my bottom like this?" And then swat her own hiney. It is too cute!! (as they ran under his legs, he would swat them with the flyswatter)

My amazingly brave girl peddling backwards on a tightrope about 40 feet in the air! This was her second time to brave this feat. Way to go Jordan!!!

I would put up more pictures of Science City, but those of us from Oklahoma would cry the next time we went to the Omniplex to play the Pac Man style computer games. They don't however, as far as I know, have a shadow wall, so there, Kansas City!!!
Keithclan, 11:00 PM | link | 1 comments |

She's baaacckkkk

Okay, so I am going to resume blogging, every week, because I enjoy it. I am going to have to understand and respect that my husband does not share my enthusiasm, and so I will either have to accept that I can very rarely post pictures, buy a digital camera, or learned how to use the dagnabbit scanner!!!
So, quick update of the last few months: Still have 5 kids, still work in hell, I mean the mothers' day out,(still in the baby room and still with my beloved co-worker), had a great Halloween and a fun Thanksgiving, celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary(thanks to my WONDERFUL friends, we had a wonderful anniversary), Max is earning his nickname Cartman and weighing in at about 25 pounds at 9 months and now wearing a size 18-24 months, and I am actually really looking forward to Christmas for the first time in several years.
Now that that is out of the way... Let's see, how about funny kid stories? I took the kids to see The Lion Witch and the wardrobe (great movie..Stayed remarkably true to the books) and Loud Boy (aka Pierce) did an amazing job of being quiet. He was sitting on my lap, and at one point said "mommy, this is a really long movie" and during the beginning of the battle scene he said "look mom! They are going to race!" because they were showing the 2 sides running to meet each other in battle.
Lillian sings "we miss you a merry Christmas."
and Max is saying "screw you guys, I'm going home."
Keithclan, 4:00 PM | link | 2 comments |