My hamper floweth over

I brought little Lily home from school with me today while her mother went to have her first cavities filled. Since today was one of the first pretty days in over a week, the kiddos wanted to play outside. They had been outside for maybe 20 minutes when Pierce opened the gate and ran around to the front of the house to ring the doorbell. I decided that it was time for them to come inside, I had just talked to Ashli and she told me she was on her way. Everyone comes in, and Pierce tells me Lily is coming in the front. I look out the storm door for a minute,trying to keep Max from escaping, and don't see her, so I walk around the side of the house to the backyard. No Lily. I walk in the back door and say "are you sure she didn't come in the back door, go look upstairs." No Lily. I walk through the the house, the bathrooms, the bedrooms...No Lily. I send Pierce and Jordan down the street, around the corner shouting "LILY", No Lily, no response. I dial Ashli's number, grab Max, and jump in the van, not even closing the van door. The phone goes dead, and I decide it is better to find her quickly than talk to Ashli, who would no doubt be panicking, especially since she was in the scariest position, knowing she is missing and not being able to help find her...I drive around the block, there are 3 people in their yards. I slow down to ask "have you seen a little girl, pink shirt, pink shorts" even though I was screaming "LILY" and surely to God if they had they would have said something... They all say no. Ashton runs to the park yelling "LILY"... My neighbor says "are you looking for a little girl?" "yes!" "pink shirt, pink shorts?" "Yes!" "okay, I'm going to help!" She gets in her car and goes one way and I take off and go the other way down the block, and I have to stop for about 30 seconds to wait on a trash truck. While I am sitting there, the sickest feeling I have ever felt comes over me. "I need to call the police" I think "they will nedd to put out an Amber alert as soon as possible, because someone has her". I turn the corner to come back home, and my neighbor meets me, coming the other way. "I HAVE HER!"
She had followed my dog out of the yard, made it a block and a half away, sat down in someone's driveway, crying, with my dog sitting right next to her. Definitely the scariest moment in my life!!! It took me 5 days to finish this, and it still makes me just as sick to think about it. It makes me thank God she is okay, and pray for anyone who was in the same situation without such a fortunate outcome.
"

Sure, it's easy to sing someone's praises from hundreds of miles away, but what about when you live a few miles away and work with them four days a week? Add in a pregnancy, a rude boss, the fact that we are in love with the same man :) ......

I think the biggest testament to the fact that I am the better friend is the fact that I managed to not say anything about her birthday party. Sure, so did everyone else, but it is public knowledge that I am an idiot and it is next to impossible for me to keep anything a secret, it's part of my condition, "footinthemouthasitis". I also managed not to slip up about her present. I had to have a device wired to me for three weeks that would send me a large electronic shock at the mere idea of her birthday while in her presence. Man, what a painful few weeks!!!

Let's also not forget the fact that I still live in OKC, all for Ashli. Sure, we have opportunity and desire to leave, but I would never do that to Ashli. When Chad was offered that job pulling in
$500k in Australia last year, we were really tempted to take it, but then one thought wouldn't leave my mind "ASHLI". And we're still here, and you STILL haven't managed to make your way back here, not for Ashli or Charlie's betrothed....

So bring it on Brooke! It's obvious from the photos that you have managed to lose way more of your baby weight and while you carry around sweet little Charlie all day I lug around the monstrous Max.... think the odds are on me, 'nough said :)

Probably more so true in my family, the top pic is of Lillian at her 3rd Birthday party, the bottom is of Pierce and Anna living it up at Simon's party.

So, before my beloved husband left to take all five of my kids to McAlester for the night so that I could get some MUCH needed spring cleaning done, I decided to be nice and vacuum out the van. I left, without my cell phone, to drive about 6 blocks, it should only take a minute, right? I put my quarters in the machine and quickly turn around to start vacuuming as to not lose a second of my paid time. The machine didn't start right up, so I laid the hose in the seat to check it, just then it comes on, and I hear a sickening clink, and I realize I left my keys laying in the seat with the hose.

After borrowing a nice man's phone ( and enduring his, "oh, I feel sorry for the retarded girl" look) and calling my husband, I had a few minutes to ponder my situation.

How did this current situation stack up against my past embarrassing moments? Surely it made the top 10, Along with:

--Talking to my next door neighbor (an elderly man) outside in the yard for at least five minutes, only to come inside and realize I had not buttoned my shirt OR fastened my bra after nursing Jordan..
--Getting out of the car to drop Jordan off at preschool when Pierce was only a few weeks old, and Jordan says "Mommy, you dropped Pierce's blanket", and I quickly run back to pick up my underwear, which had fallen out of the pantleg of the jeans I was wearing and had also worn the day before, hoping no one else realized it was not a blanket...
---The day I spilled hot candled wax on my brand new couch and then, when trying to iron the wax out managed to burn an iron impression into the carpet...
---Having a little girl stick her head under the door of the bathroom stall that I was in at Target and say "OOOHH, Mommy! That lady pooped in her pants!!" And her mother whisper "Come on honey, let's go."

Luckily, there was an attendant at the car wash, and as my husband was pulling up, I was getting my keys out of the machine.

On the way home I thought, I am the biggest moron I know, but then I was comforted by a thought. If you stick all the people I know TOGETHER, they would all be equal to me as a moron. Some examples:

---My friend drops her Razr in the toilet...
---My friends strains so hard while sitting on the toilet that she passes out and hits her head...
---My friend has to drop her maternity overalls on the side if the highway to lay wolf bait and has to have her husband hand her her unborn baby's bibs to wipe her ass with...
---My friend spends over an hour looking for her keys at the mother's day out only to find they were in her daughter's diaper bag all along....
--- My friend has to fish her car keys out of the toilet she has just had the runs in at a gas station...

And as I think of all these things, I smile, and know that I am not alone in the world...

She's still there...

The quality sucks on these but take a look anyway.

15000 Happy Okies

Big Yellow Balls

The end of Square One

Till Kingdom Come

Trouble

Click here for baby Max 1 year ago.