My hamper floweth over

I reread my post from yesterday, and I hope that it does not seem indifferent. I feel a deep sadness for the loss of those children, I heard the shooter said he was settling a 20 year old grudge, and can't imagine how killing people who have not been on the earth that long would make him feel better.

I think I would rather have my children die young then to have them live long lives without ever feeling love, specifically mine. However, while I can say I believe that, I also don't know that I would ever come close to recovering from the loss of a child. I can't imagine breathing, eating, bathing, getting dressed, if one of my children were gone.


I just can't get stuck there. I can't let a fear of that overcome my wishes for children; to have them become strong, happy, responsible adults who themselves do not get caught in a trap of fear.


I still worry about a multitude of other things, this is just one thing I have been able to let go of. I do believe in God, and though I struggle with my faith in religion, I am confident that we are here because of a loving God, who wants the best for us. While I don't pretend to know why these horrible things happen, I believe our God hurts for all of His children, that He cries for the loss of every unfinished life, as well as for those who did not understand or accept His love.


The downside of blogging for me is that my posts are usually raw and unfinished thoughts. 5 minutes here or there, what is currently on my mind, but not all of it, and I usually reread them and feel a need to explain myself to people who do not live in my head. Hope this sheds some light....