My hamper floweth over
The Keith Family News
Monday, January 29, 2007
For Karen
Karen requested a comment on her saturday post, but Blogger wouldn't let me comment. Ugghhh! So I decided to comment here,
When I had two children (yes, I do have some vague memories of that) I read an article in some parenting magazine about quality time. It suggested that if you could allot just 15 minutes of individual time for each child during the day, it would help improve parent/child relations. "Scoff, 15 minutes?! That is not nearly enough! Why I spend at least five times that amount on one on one time with my children!" Those were my come-back-to-haunt-you thoughts.
But the truth is, for mothers who are with their children collectively fot the majority of the day, it is easy to go an entire day without having really given an individual child undivided (not playing cards while checking homework, reading a book while changing a diaper, or folding the laundry and playing teacher) attention.
My four year old and my eight year old are the hardest for me to connect with. My four year old gets a lot of "I'll pretend to be Erika while you are Annaliese and I am also making a dentist appointment" attention, but I have to very consciously remember to give her true attention. And my eight year old is so much fun, she loves word puzzles and riddles... But the oldest always needs help with her homework, the six year old is learning to read, and Max is, well Max. So it is easy to take care of the seemingly more impotant needs and inadvertantly push aside the not so squeaky wheel.
But if you push them aside long enough, they can really start to squeak! One trick I have learned is to use an especially cheery voice while your little one is throwing a fit. Another is to whisper, or sometimes I have actually started acting like them. That works for Lillian, she always breaks into hysterics, but it just makes Max mad.
I know Jordan got ridiculous amounts of undivided attention, but I actually hovered too much. She has had the hardest time developing independence and problem solving skills. And a good sibling relationship is priceless. Knowing that they will be able to look back together and say "man, mom was a luittle nutso, huh?" gives me comfort (totally just kidding about that).
Anyway, in my humble opinion, it is the mothers who worry that they are not doing enough who reallly have nothing to worry about. Their kids know that they have always been and will always be loved.
When I had two children (yes, I do have some vague memories of that) I read an article in some parenting magazine about quality time. It suggested that if you could allot just 15 minutes of individual time for each child during the day, it would help improve parent/child relations. "Scoff, 15 minutes?! That is not nearly enough! Why I spend at least five times that amount on one on one time with my children!" Those were my come-back-to-haunt-you thoughts.
But the truth is, for mothers who are with their children collectively fot the majority of the day, it is easy to go an entire day without having really given an individual child undivided (not playing cards while checking homework, reading a book while changing a diaper, or folding the laundry and playing teacher) attention.
My four year old and my eight year old are the hardest for me to connect with. My four year old gets a lot of "I'll pretend to be Erika while you are Annaliese and I am also making a dentist appointment" attention, but I have to very consciously remember to give her true attention. And my eight year old is so much fun, she loves word puzzles and riddles... But the oldest always needs help with her homework, the six year old is learning to read, and Max is, well Max. So it is easy to take care of the seemingly more impotant needs and inadvertantly push aside the not so squeaky wheel.
But if you push them aside long enough, they can really start to squeak! One trick I have learned is to use an especially cheery voice while your little one is throwing a fit. Another is to whisper, or sometimes I have actually started acting like them. That works for Lillian, she always breaks into hysterics, but it just makes Max mad.
I know Jordan got ridiculous amounts of undivided attention, but I actually hovered too much. She has had the hardest time developing independence and problem solving skills. And a good sibling relationship is priceless. Knowing that they will be able to look back together and say "man, mom was a luittle nutso, huh?" gives me comfort (totally just kidding about that).
Anyway, in my humble opinion, it is the mothers who worry that they are not doing enough who reallly have nothing to worry about. Their kids know that they have always been and will always be loved.
Keithclan, 9:16 PM
4 Comments:
Thanks, Jamie. There are so many things I admire about the kind of mother you are.
I think all the time that I'm just to obsessive about my baby and I just give her space, but your post made me feel better about the insane amount of time I spend in her face.
You are so incredibly dead on with this one:) Great post!
Good post!
